so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
