Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
