in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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