I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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