in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
