You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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