His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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