The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
