So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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