I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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