So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
