i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
