My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
