Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
