he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she told me i tasted like america
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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