I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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