why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
