why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
