I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
