OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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