I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
