She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
