I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
