I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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