If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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