so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
