about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he laminated a picture of his dick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
