Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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