This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
