my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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