This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
