Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
