I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
