I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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