neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
