were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
