the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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