I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
