shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I believe in your delicious
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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