u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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