he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
