U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
