so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
