billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
