After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
