Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
