first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
