I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
