I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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