i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
