Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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