Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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