She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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