She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just blew my weed a kiss
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
