Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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