Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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