I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
