I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
