Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i out mim tonsoeep
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