just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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