This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
