what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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