do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
