I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
