I hope mine doesn't look like that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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