I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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