I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
