1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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