Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
