Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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