I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
