You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
