The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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