I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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