I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
