I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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