Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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