Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
